Bracketology 102

Now that we are starting to get the results of these ridiculously superfluous play-in games, it is time to go over some basic rules for picking your brackets. No matter what the kind people of Sporting News say (the same people who always pick the favorites to win any contest), you need to look for the upsets because March Madness is just that: madness. Nothing every works out like it's supposed to. With that in mind, look to these tips to give your bracket the necessary flavor of a basketball insider.

1) All four number one seeds never make the final four together. The only time such a feat occurred was in 2008, but that was more of an anomaly than Mrs. Ryan indulging Rex's foot fetish. Our advice: pick a number one seed, which you think will run train on its respective bracket, and ride them into the finals.

2) Look closely at the 5-12 games and the 6-11 games for your upsets. Most of these games feature the less impressive teams from the big conferences against the studs of the mid-majors, who know they have something to prove. Teams like Kansas St. and Cincinnati look at bids to the tourney as their birthrights so they're likely to look past their opening games and on to the round of 32. You cannot overlook any team in this tournament and forgetting that could be a worse mistake than Billy Buckner thinking he's too good for grounders.

3) Always pick against Vanderbilt. We love the school and all of its pastel wearing attendees, but even though its not football, Vandy is pretty used to losing in sports. They rack up wins at home, but the most important thing to realize is just that: they rack up wins at home. They win games based solely upon trickery. Their home court has its benches on the baselines whereas literally every other basketball court in the world has them on the sidelines. How they get away with this is beyond me.

4) Always pick Gonzaga. Don't ask questions. They always find some random white guy with a seventies porn stash to carry them for at least a couple games.

Being in the Bahamas, we're kind of rushed for time, but follow these tips, and you'll at least get a couple games right. Remember, if you pick an upset and it doesn't go your way, you won't look nearly as stupid as the guy who picks the favorites every time or turns to the World Cup Octopus to fill out his bracket. The tournament is crazy. Everybody has a chance. Too bad Matt Leinart didn't play college basketball.