St. Patty's Day

As a holiday based solely upon partying and wearing green, there is nothing like St. Patrick's day. Americans can turn almost any holiday into a full day and night of drinking, but for St. Patty's day, we don't even try to hide our true intentions. I mean, it's not even really our holiday, we just stole it from the Irish and assumed that Patrick achieved his sainthood by inventing green beer. What's even better is that St. Patty's day always falls on the week of spring break or the week after when you really need a good excuse to relive the madness of your time in paradise.

Fortunately, we fall into the former of those two categories as we are celebrating in The Bahamas this year so our Irish sentiments are even more out of place than Pacman Jones at a women's rights rally, but also similar to Pacman Jones, we don't care. We have green clothes and a strong will to indulge in Irish car bombs (the American kind, of course, though flaming alcohol probably damages an equivalent number of people to the sick tactics of the IRA) so truthfully, it doesn't matter at all where we are.

Perhaps the best part about this holiday is that it also happens to coincide with red head appreciation day. No matter how hard Alexi Lalas works to cover every single soccer game in the world or how many 1080 McTwists Shaun White manages to complete without breaking his neck, red heads still suffer the prejudices of society. On St. Patty's day, however, gingers regain their souls for a quick twenty four hours and assume their rightful positions at the head of society. Unfortunately, at midnight they turn back into the demons that they are. So, this St. Patty's day, drink a car bomb, punch a Jets fan who thinks his jersey is befitting, and take a lucky ginger home (though in the morning, feel free to kick them out of bed and then kick them again when they're on the floor so they don't get too cocky).