Spring Break Hangover

Returning from spring break is terrible. It's like how the NFL allows DeAngelo Hall to start in the Pro-Bowl, giving him a taste of what it's like to play football with real players, and then forces him to go back to the cavalcade of burn outs that is the Redskins' entire team. Once you taste the spoils of utopia, you can never return to the miseries of your normal life. Perhaps the best analogy comes from one of the world's greatest TV shows, Seinfeld, during the episode where Jerry and Elaine are getting on an airplane and arguing over who deserves the sole first-class seat. When Elaine says that she deserves the seat because she has never traveled in first class, Jerry responds, "All right then. See? You won't know what you're missing. I've flown first class, Elaine-- I can't go back to coach. I can't... I won't..." Spring break is like flying first class. Now that you have experienced the epitome of perfection, lying on the beach with a drink in your hand as the guys on ESPN go on and on about how the Orioles are going to win the A.L. East, life outside of such an existence will never be the same. 

Even worse than going back to school or work, however, is that sinking feeling you get upon your return to real life that spring break never happened. Fortunately, there will always be Facebook pictures and STDs to remind us. If you feel that your memory of break relies most heavily on the latter of those two categories, I hope you had fun in the contraction process and strongly recommend that you see a doctor as soon as possible. Assuming that most of you are going to fall back upon your heap of pictures, here are a couple things that I hope you kept in mind during your photography sessions:

1) A substantial number of your pictures should include members of the opposite sex. Even if you were as unlucky as Tiger with Elin, a couple randos in your pictures are enough to convince all your cyber friends that you scored more than Tiger with Random Hookers A-L. 

2) Looking fit in your pictures is a necessity. In a group bathing suit shot, you don't want to be the one Terrence Cody in the group, holding the entire team back because you can't run more than twenty feet without going into cardiac arrest.  You can suck your stomach in all you like, but when it comes down to it, this point really emphasizes the work you put in prior to break. As vain as it sounds, I suggest going through your SB11! album and un-tagging all the pictures in which you could be mistaken for the yet-to-be-discovered sea creature that just so happened to wash ashore and suck in its gut right before the photo.

3) Most importantly, make sure none of your more despicable deeds make an appearance on Facebook. You never know when "the only girl you hooked up with on break" (hey, baby, you leave tomorrow? Well you're the only one for me, Caitlin.. umm Catherine... Kimberly?) may pull a Senator Mitchell, investigating your pictures for any evidence of your wayward morality. 

Spring break was great, but now, it's on to bigger and better things like the start of baseball season, sun dresses, springfests, and lacrosse. We've got a lot to look forward to so don't get lost in the last month or so of school. Put away those winter coats, break out the pastels, and know that every day brings us closer the unabashed debauchery of spring time.